The Road to Home
by Symphony In Blue
Summary: Harry is suspended pending a full inquiry into his career. Will it bring him and Ruth closer together or drive them apart for good this time? Story starts off a couple of days after the end of 9.8. Now AU.
1. Chapter 1

**New multi-chapter fic which I hope you'll enjoy. This one starts off a couple of days after the end of series 9 with of course, as always, a heavy emphasis on Harry and Ruth. There'll be slight spoilers for series 10 i.e. the mentioning of new character names and the departure of one of the team. I can't promise I'll update very regularly because I'm also still working on the last couple of chapters of You Belong To Me, and I've got a tonne of essays and assignments to finish before the end of the semester.**

**Happy reading!  
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><p>The team's heads shot up simultaneously as a group of people, 5 to be exact, entered the Grid through the pods. One of the men stepped forward and, without bothering with any niceties, addressed them all. "Which of you is the most senior member of the team?" he asked.<p>

Ruth stood up. "I suppose that would be me," she said, unsure of what was happening.

"Good," the man said. "Could you tell me where I can find Sir Harry Pearce?"

"That depends," Ruth answered.

"What do you mean, 'it depends'?" the man asked. He sounded annoyed.

"Meaning that you barge in here, demand to know where Harry is, without bothering to tell us who you are or why exactly you are looking for him." She jutted out her chin and looked at him defiantly, not the slightest bit intimidated by the fact that he was towering over her.

The man, clearly surprised by her attitude, sighed in annoyance and pulled a badge from his pocket. "Internal Affairs," he said. "We are here with regards to the impending inquiry of your Section Head. We've got the DG's permission to take him in for a preliminary round of questioning."

Ruth sighed. She was afraid something like this was going to happen someday soon. The previous day Harry had briefly informed the team about an inquiry which was inevitably looming over him, though he had no idea when it would start, nor did he know what exactly was going to happen to him. Ruth and Harry hadn't spoken privately since that fateful day last week, when Ruth had thought that Harry was going off to a certain death when he had agreed to meet Lucas alone. And now she wasn't quite so sure if they'd ever get the chance of a proper conversation ever again. She knew that, during the inquiry, none of the team would be allowed any form of contact with Harry. And because nobody had the faintest idea of how all of this would end, she wasn't sure if she would ever be allowed proper contact with him again.

"He's in his office," she finally said, knowing full well that stalling the men any further was no use.

The man nodded, his only form of acknowledgement to her cooperation. They all turned round and strode in the direction of Harry's office. The blinds were closed, though Ruth was sure he knew what was coming.

The team held their respective breaths as the men entered the office, without bothering to knock first. It wasn't long before the office door reopened and the men stepped out again, only this time Harry was with them.

As they came closer to where the team were standing, Ruth and Harry's gazes locked temporarily.

"What's going on?" her eyes seemed to silently ask.

He stared at her, his eyes clearly filled with love and compassion. "Just keep calm and you'll be fine," was the message they sent out.

Another one of the men stepped forward to address the remaining members of the core team, which just consisted of Ruth, Dimitri, and Tariq for the moment. "From this moment, your Section Head has been suspended, pending a full inquiry. You are by no means allowed to contact him for as long as the inquiry is ongoing. And if anyone does overstep the no contact rule there will be serious consequences, so be warned."

All three nodded but didn't say anything. They'd had to digest so much in the past couple of days, and they weren't quite sure how they were going to cope with all of this.

Without saying anything further, the men turned around and made for the pods, taking Harry with them, not even allowing him to say goodbye properly. All of a sudden it dawned on Ruth that she might not get to see Harry for a very long time, so if she wanted to do or say something she would have to do it right now.

She quickly stepped forwards until she was standing right in front of Harry. And all of a sudden she had no idea of what to say. Words escaped her, both because of the many people that were present, and because she wasn't quite sure what to say to someone who had put his career and life on the line just to save her. So instead she reached for his hand and grabbed it, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Will you be alright?" she asked, ignoring the infuriating stares of the IA men.

"Of course," he replied. "I'm always alright, aren't I?" He smiled at her reassuringly, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"T-take care then. And don't drink too much," was all she managed to say.

"I'll try not to," he said.

At this moment the IA men decided that they'd seen quite enough sentimentality, so they pushed Ruth purposefully aside and guided Harry towards the pods.

Ruth took a step back as she watched Harry go with them, blinking hard to stop the tears from falling. She felt truly powerless as she saw the man she loved, the man who had risked his life for her, being whisked away, knowing that it would almost certainly lead to his demise.

As the pods closed Tariq said down heavily in his chair and sighed, resting his forehead against his hands.

Dimitri still hadn't moved from the desk he'd been leaning against. "What are we going to do now?" he finally asked.

Ruth stood up a little straighter as she seemed to have regained some of her fighting spirit. "I'm going to see the Home Secretary," she said.

"Can you actually do that just like that?" Dimitri asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know and frankly I don't care. Just put a call through to his assistant to tell her I'm on my way over there right now," she said as she grabbed her coat off the back of her chair.

Both Dimitri and Tariq were stunned by her attitude. They were seeing a whole new side to Ruth which they didn't know existed until now.

Ruth exited through the pods without saying another word, and Dimitri quickly picked up his phone. "If her attitude remains like that the HS won't know what hit him by the time she's finished with him," he joked as he dialled the number.

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><p><strong>Please review if you'd like to read more! xx<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Because you're all such lovely people I decided to write chapter 2 instead of catching up with the reading for my lectures tomorrow. Let's hope it was worth the sacrifice!**

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><p>"Ah Ms. Evershed, my assistant told me you were coming," Towers said as he outstretched his right hand.<p>

Ruth shook his hand. "Home Secretary, thank you for agreeing to see me at such short notice."

"Well it all did sound rather urgent," he said. "What exactly is it you wanted to see me about?" he asked as he motioned her to sit down.

She took a seat, nervously smoothing her skirt as she did so. "It's about Harry. IA lifted him from his office an hour ago in a most appalling manner."

"I see," Towers said. "I'm actually rather surprised to hear that. As far as I know nothing was supposed to happen until next week at least."

"Apparently the DG approved it," Ruth said. "At least that's what I was told. Which is why I came to see you right away Home Secretary. I am infuriated and downright appalled by the way the security services treat their own people. Harry has put his own life on the line for this country more often than any of us can even begin to comprehend. No matter how terrible the circumstances, he always put the security of the nation first, and this is how he gets repaid?" By now she was fuming with anger, her chest heaving with every breath she took, but she felt relieved for getting it all out of her system.

"Nobody's denying the good he has done for the country, Ms. Evershed," Towers replied. But it doesn't take away the fact that he gave a way a state secret. You do realise that he committed treason, don't you?"

"But Albany was a fake!" she exclaimed.

Towers blinked a couple of times, clearly surprised by what she had just said. "How on earth did you find out about that?"

"Harry told me yesterday," Ruth answered.

"Right." He wasn't sure what to say next. "Regardless of whether or not it was a fake, it is still treason."

"So after all he's done for his country, this is how he's rewarded?" Ruth spat at him, no longer caring that he was the Home Secretary.

"Believe me when I say that I'm not happy about this either. I like Harry, I know he's a good man and of course I'll do everything within my power to ensure that he gets off lightly." he said. "But I'm afraid I'm being kept in the dark about this just like the rest of you, so I'm not sure there is a lot I will be able to do for him."

"But you hold one of the three great offices of state," Ruth protested. "Surely you'll be able to do something?"

"The JIC are handling this with the help of Internal Affairs. They're still discussing as to how exactly they will proceed. Unfortunately I haven't been let in on any of their plans so far."

"So you will try to help him?" Ruth asked.

"At some point all of us will be called in to testify, and when it's my turn I'll be rooting for him. You have my word." Towers reassured her.

Ruth breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"But in the meantime," Towers continued, "there might be some things you'll be able to do to help Harry as well."

Ruth's head shot up. "What is it?"

"I have been told that the inquiry won't be just about Albany. There will be an inquiry into his whole career. So get on to every operation he's ever been part of, see if you can find anything out of the ordinary. Be prepared for anything and everything."

"I'll get the team on to it straight away," she said. "Although when I say team...there aren't that many people left to be honest."

"Yes I was aware of the fact that Section D has once again thinned out quite drastically." The HS said. "So I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that reinforcements will arrive tomorrow, two new colleagues."

"I am indeed glad to hear that," Ruth said. "But why weren't we told about this before?"

"That, I'm afraid I don't know," Towers said. "All I know is that you've been assigned a new Section Chief, one Ms. Erin Watts, and she'll be bringing another colleague along with her, Calum Reed."

"I'll make sure to prepare the team for the new arrivals," Ruth answered.

"Good, I'm glad to hear you're taking care of things. Now if you'll excuse me, I do actually have another appointment soon." he said.

"Of course, thank you Home Secretary," Ruth said. She shook his hand and quickly exited his office.

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><p>On the way back to her car Ruth tried to process and analyse everything that she had just discussed with the HS. An inquiry into the whole of Harry's career and not just Albany, that surely put things into a different perspective. Countless different cases went through her mind. His time in Northern Ireland, Berlin, you name it. All had been risky operations, and surely Harry would've made some mishaps during those times. As soon as she got back to the Grid she'd start prepping the team. They needed to be on top of things, expect the unexpected, so they wouldn't be confronted with any nasty surprised once the inquiry got underway.<p>

A part of her was glad to know that there were new people assigned to their team. Once again they were horribly understaffed, and especially with the inquiry on top of their normal workload they could use all the help they could get. But it was also a painful reminder of how drastically the team was about to change yet again. When she thought about it, it hadn't been all that long ago since they lost Ros. And now they had obviously lost Lucas as well, and to top it all of Beth had been decommissioned just three days ago.

The whole Lucas ordeal had been difficult for everyone and it had left Beth, who always appeared tougher than she actually was, rather disillusioned about what it was like working for the security services. She had always been very career driven, working in the private sector for nearly a decade, and in the end the stability that working for the government seemingly offered wasn't all she had expected it to be. So a couple of days after the Albany affair she had handed in her resignation with immediate effect. Ruth was sad to see her go, both as a colleague and as a friend. In a short period of time she had grown to like Beth a lot, and she would surely be missed.

Ruth had finally reached her car, so she got in quickly and headed back to Thames House. She had a lot of work to be getting on with.

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><p><strong>Please review! xx<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for all the lovely reviews, they mean so much to me! Not much happening in this chapter, but I have to move the story along somehow.**

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><p>Harry drained the last of his scotch, sighed, and put the tumbler back on the table beside him. He had been home less than 24 hours and already he was bored out of his mind. The preliminary round of questioning the day before hadn't been all that bad. He had been allowed to tell his side of the story with regards to Albany, Lucas, and Ruth. So he had made an account of all that had happened, ensuring not to leave out any details. IA didn't seem the least bit impressed or even interested in what he had to say, and Harry had the unnerving feeling that things could only get worse from here on.<p>

The words the Home Secretary had spoken to him on the phone days earlier went round and round in his head. _You're the spy they want to kick back out into the cold I'm afraid. _

He knew there was going to be an inquiry into his full career, which would be a long and arduous task no doubt, not to mention complicated and possibly messy. The round of questioning yesterday was just the tip of the iceberg, and they all knew it.

Harry walked to the window of his living room and took a peek through a gap in the curtains. He could see the surveillance van parked across the street. He wasn't exactly put under house arrest, but he did have 24-hour surveillance and a back-up team following him around whenever he left the house. It was already starting to annoy him beyond belief. But worst of all was the no contact rule between him and any of his colleagues, especially Ruth.

He already missed her more than he thought possible. When he was taken from his office, that moment when she had grabbed his hand and asked him if he'd be alright, she had looked so utterly defeated and it broke his heart to see her like that. At that moment he wished he could have taken her in his arms and told her that everything was going to be ok.

The thought that he might never see her again was one he couldn't accept, he refused to accept it. It was unthinkable, yet at this moment it was highly possible. Harry knew he would be found guilty of something, anything. Some people in very high places were adamant that he'd be punished for what he'd done, and he knew that prison didn't seem all that unlikely considering the circumstances.

For one of the very rare moments in his life, Harry Pearce was afraid. He was afraid of what would be coming his way, afraid that he wouldn't be able to see Ruth again, afraid that after the inquiry she would think less of him. Because he had done some things in his life that he wasn't exactly proud of. Things he had hidden away very well, and which he had hoped would never resurface ever again. He thought it a likely possibility that Ruth would be repulsed by some of the things he had done in his past.

_Perhaps it's better if I don't see her again,_ he thought. _I couldn't possibly face her again if she knew all the ins and outs of past operations I've been involved in_.

He shook his head and drew the curtains again. _Best not think about this too much_, he thought.

Never seeing Ruth again was unthinkable. He'd had to live with the thought of never seeing her again once already, and he wasn't going to put himself through that a second time.

He walked into the kitchen with Scarlet following closely behind, hoping her master would give her a snack of some sorts. Harry crouched down and scratched the little Jack Russell behind her ear.

"Hungry again are we old girl?" he cooed at the little dog who happily wagged her tail.

"Let's see what we can find then, shall we?" he said as he opened one of his kitchen cupboards. As he peered inside he realised that they could do with some cleaning. No. He was bored but he wasn't that desperate. At least not yet.

Since he'd been home he had tidied his house, hoovered and dusted. Already he had taken Scarlet on more and longer walks than he had probably done in the last 3 years combined. He knew she wouldn't appreciate another walk until much later, nor did he feel like being followed around again. On the other hand, that would only leave him with the option of watching daytime television, and frankly he'd rather die of boredom than do that. For a moment he considered reading, but he knew he wouldn't be able to focus on any storyline. There was still too much going through his mind to be able to concentrate fully on a book.

Harry opened the fridge and took out some left-over chicken from the night before, feeding flakes of it to Scarlet. The dog jumped around excitedly and wagged her little tail, hoping he'd give her some more. Harry gave her a last bite of chicken and put the rest of it back in the fridge.

Sighing he opened the cupboard under the sink and retrieved some cleaning agent and a big sponge. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and at least he'd have clean cupboards again. He rolled up his sleeves and started to clean, all the while trying his hardest not to think the worst of the situation he had found himself in.

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><p><strong>Please review! xx<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**You can probably tell that I'm procrastinating, but at least I'm putting my wasted hours to some good use. I had some difficulties with this chapter, so apologies if it's not up to par with the rest of the story.**

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><p>The pods swished open and a tall brunette stepped out, looking around the nigh on empty workplace. Ruth, thus far the only team member already present at this ungodly hour of the morning, bopped her head from behind her computer screen to see who was there. She had no idea who the young woman was and what she was doing here.<p>

"Can I help you at all?" she asked as she stood up and made her way over to where the woman was standing.

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Unless you've come to tell me that this isn't Section D."

"No, this is Section D," Ruth said.

"Right, then I've come to the right place." The woman stuck out her hand. "Erin Watts, the new Section Chief."

Ruth shook her hand. "I'm Ruth Evershed, Senior Intelligence Analyst."

"Not many people here, are there?" Erin said as she gestured at the practically deserted Grid, where only a few remaining members of the night shift were just preparing to leave.

"The rest of the team will be here soon," Ruth said. "It's only just gone 8."

When Erin didn't respond Ruth continued. "I will show you your desk."

"What about the office?" Erin gestured in the direction of Harry's office.

"What about it?" Ruth asked.

"Seems a shame to let all that space go to waste," Erin said.

Ruth tried to stay calm, but inside she was fuming. That woman hadn't been here 5 minutes and already she was suggesting she'd rather have the office than just a desk. "That's the Section Head's office."

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "So? It's not as if you've currently got a Section Head that can use it."

Ruth folded her arms . "It's locked, and it will remain locked as long as the inquiry is ongoing."

"And I don't suppose you have got a key?" she asked.

Ruth shook her head. "I don't." The truth was that she did. She had locked the office immediately after Harry's suspension, ensuring that nobody would be able to get in there and mess with his things. It had nothing to do with the inquiry, but Ruth just wanted to make sure everything would stay the same until Harry's return.

"And like I said," Ruth continued, "the office is for the Section Head only. And you're not our Section Head."

"Not yet," Erin muttered, barely audible, but still loud enough for Ruth to hear.

Ruth was furious. She wasn't a violent person by nature, but at that moment she wouldn't have minded to bang Erin's head against her newly acquired desk. What a nerve that woman had, just barging onto the Grid and acting like she owned the place. She already knew that she wasn't going to like Erin and that working with her would be extremely difficult and unpleasant. Ruth already knew that Erin would be bringing another colleague with her, someone she had chosen to be part of the team. She could only hope that he wouldn't be such a nasty piece of work as their new Section Chief had already proved herself to be.

Ruth didn't say another word to Erin. She just pointed out her desk, then walked back to her own to resume her work. One by one the other team members started coming in and soon the Grid was once again a buzzing hive of activity. She introduced herself to their other new team member, Calum, who appeared to be nice enough, but Ruth could see right through him. Under the façade of politeness lay a hardness that made her blood run cold. She couldn't really explain it, it was just a feeling, but she immediately understood why Erin had chosen him.

She was glad to see that Dimitri showed some apprehension towards the new team members as well. It confirmed that her feelings were genuine, and that it wasn't just her overactive imagination making her see things that weren't really there.

As she returned to her desk after the morning briefing she thought back to when she had first returned to work after her exile. Though a few familiar faces were still left, there had been new team members as well. And surely the dynamic had changed slightly, but part of it hadn't changed. That sense of familiarity was still there, it still felt like home. But now everything was different. That sense of belonging was gone, it no longer felt like home. Instead it felt like an unfamiliar, unwelcoming place, from which Ruth wanted to run as far away as she possibly could.

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><p><strong>Please review :) xx<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry about the terrible delay, but real life got in the way again. I'm literally buried under a pile of essays that still need to be written, but after 10 June I'll be back again full on, promise! Short update for now, hope you'll like it.**

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><p>Ruth sighed as she took a short break from the surveillance checks she was performing. Work was slow and boring, even more so than it had been in recent days. She looked around her and saw that everyone was hard at work as well. It appeared to be just another boring day at the office, only it wasn't. Something had changed, work had changed. Ever since the arrival of Erin and Calum everything had been different. There was a tense, unpleasant atmosphere that Ruth had never experienced before, not once in the many years since she had become a part of Section D.<p>

Harry had only been gone two weeks, but already everything had changed beyond recognition. No matter how often and how radically the team had changed over the years, Harry had always been the constant, the stabilising factor that kept the team together. But without him there to guide them, the team was at a loss. Erin was trying with all her might to change the team and their working methods, but so far she'd had no luck. No matter how hard she tried, her plans were never as brilliant as she made them out to be. And to make matters worse the "old guard" were still fiercely loyal to Harry, which meant they refused to acknowledge any changes she attempted to make. It was safe to say that she wasn't happy.

A part of Ruth was immensely pleased to see so many colleagues staying true to Harry, but this was overshadowed by the fact that she hadn't seen him for two weeks. She hadn't expected to miss him as much as she did. The pain their separation was causing her was usually just a dull ache during the day, a constant reminder of what she was missing, a reminder of _who_ she was missing. But when she came home at night to an empty house, with no distractions other than her cat and the million household chores she was avoiding, the pain hit her full force. At those times the pain, the realisation that she might never see him again, became almost unbearable.

It was there and then, as the surveillance was finishing up, that she decided that something had to happen. She couldn't go on like this. Something had to change, soon. She closed off her workstation and tidied a few things away, deciding that she deserved an early night for once in her life. She said goodnight to Dimitri and Tariq as she shrugged on her coat, grabbed her bag and left.

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><p>Harry sighed as he turned over another page of his book. It was a collection of Persian love poetry, given to him by Ruth a few years ago as a Christmas present. When he had opened his present he had been surprised, more than surprised really. Even though he liked poetry, this wasn't the kind he was familiar with. But when he had opened the book and noticed the familiar handwriting on the title page, he had been determined to broaden his horizon where poetry was concerned.<p>

_I couldn't possibly give you another tie, or bottle of whisky for that matter, so I hope you'll like this, somewhat unconventional, present. It's one of my favourites._

_Merry Christmas._

_Ruth_

In spite of his determination he had never actually found time to read it, until now, some 6 years later. Back when everything had still been somewhat simple and easy. _How things have changed_, he thought to himself. He thought about Ruth a lot these days. He always had done, but now that there wasn't that much for him to do, nothing to occupy his mind with, she seemed to be in his thoughts every waking moment. He missed her so much, and her absence caused a continuous aching thudding pain in his chest. The feeling wasn't unfamiliar to him, because he had felt it every day for 3 years when Ruth had been away. And even though this time they were in the same country, the same city even, she felt as unattainable as she had been back then. He was under 24-hour surveillance, with no chance of sneaking out to see her. But perhaps it was for the better. He wasn't sure if she would even want to see him anyway.

He put the book away, deciding that he was too distracted to read another word. Just as he was getting up to help himself to another generous measure of single malt, the doorbell rang. His head shot up in surprise as Scarlet barked. In the two weeks since the start of his suspension the doorbell hadn't rang once, nobody had come by to visit him. He walked into the hallway with a certain degree of apprehension, though he was curious as well. His days spent at home had been so uneventful that just the ringing of a doorbell could pique his curiosity. He opened the door and saw, to his disappointment, that it was only a delivery guy.

"Got a parcel for you mate," he said.

"But I didn't order anything," Harry said, trying to ignore the fact that someone at least half his age had called him 'mate'.

The young man shrugged his shoulders. "Not my problems is it? Sign here."

Harry decided not to argue with him and quickly scribbled his signature on the form. The delivery guy then thrust a small package into his arms, turned around and walked off. Harry turned and closed the door behind him, still trying to get his head around what had just happened.

He quickly opened the package, curious to see what was inside. In it was a square blue box. He had a good look at it, gave it a shake, but it left him none the wiser. Eventually he decided to open it. He didn't know what he was expecting to find inside, but surely it had to be more exciting than just a scrap of paper? Carefully unfolding it, his heart skipped a beat as he instantly recognised the all too familiar handwriting.

_Open your back door_

That was all it said, nothing more, and nothing less. Harry tried to feel if the paper was multi layered, held it up against the light, but there was nothing there. It really was just an ordinary piece of paper, and that was all that was written on it. Deciding there was nothing else he could try, he made his way towards the kitchen, seeing what could be so important about his back door.

He was sure he temporarily forgot how to breathe as he reached the back door. Ruth was standing on the other side of it, outside, in his garden. He blinked a few times, trying to determine whether she was real, or if he had finally lost it after all this time. When he noticed that she was still there after he had reopened his eyes, he quickly unlocked the door and opened it.

She stepped inside and for a moment neither of them knew quite what to say to each other. After weeks spent apart they took their time taking in one another's features. She noticed that he had lost some weight. He noticed the same about her.

"Hi," Ruth finally managed to say.

Harry took her hand in his, hoping she wouldn't pull away, and gave it a light squeeze. "It's so good to see you."

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><p><strong>The next chapter will follow on directly from this one, and I promise I will try to put it up as soon as possible. Please review! xx<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**First of all I am so sorry for the *looks at the calendar* nearly 3 month delay. I feel really bad for leaving this story on such a cliffhanger and then not updating, but I had a lot of things on my mind, and then I had terrible writer's block, but I hope that people are still reading and that this chapter makes up for it. Also, I promise I will try to update more regularly from now on.**

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><p>It took Harry a moment to realise that they had been standing in his kitchen for a while, just looking at each other. Neither of them said anything, and much to Harry's pleasure he was still holding her hand firmly in his.<p>

Finally he cleared his throat, breaking the long, but not uncomfortable silence. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

Ruth nodded. "I'd love a cup of tea."

Harry motioned her to move through to the sitting room while he stayed behind in the kitchen to prepare their drinks. Ruth entered the front room and took a moment to take in her surroundings. Although he had been to her house, her old house, several times over the years, she had never actually been to his. After a while she sat herself down on the big, comfy sofa, and patted an overexcited Scarlet who had started jumping up against her leg excitedly.

Harry came in with their cups of tea not long afterwards, and placed them on the coffee table before sitting himself down on the sofa next to her. He made an effort not to sit too closely to her, but not too far away either. He didn't want to be obtrusive, yet he didn't want to seem to be keeping his distance from her.

After having sat in a comfortable silence for a while, Harry cleared his throat and began speaking. "How have you been?"

"OK I suppose," she answered, but it didn't sound convincing.

"How are things at work?" he asked.

Ruth shrugged her shoulders. "Pretty uneventful. Section D is no longer considered to be as trustworthy as it once was, so all major decisions are made higher up. Apart from the standard, boring surveillance and paperwork there isn't much left for us to do." And lowering her voice she half-whispered, "work is no longer the same without you there."

"I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going so well, especially since I'm mostly to blame for it," he said.

She waved off his apologies with a slight smile. "Don't worry about it, I'll be alright. How have you been holding up?"

Her selflessness and continuous concern for others was heart warming, and it made him smile. "Well, I am definitely well-rested, and little Scarlet here has had more exercise in the past few weeks than in all the previous years combined."

"But you're bored," she said, finishing his sentence for him.

"Beyond belief," he nodded.

"You look good though," she said, inwardly cursing herself the moment the words left her mouth. "I mean er, healthy, like someone who takes proper care of himself. Not someone who spends his days carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders."

"I know what you meant Ruth," he said by means of putting her at ease. "And thank you."

"However," he continued, "as much as I love the fact that you've stopped by for some tea and small talk, I get the feeling that's not the reason why you came to visit."

Ruth had just picked up her teacup, but put it back down again and started fidgeting nervously with one of her sleeves. "I came to tell you, or warn you, or er..I'm not sure actually. It's just that I spoke with the Home Secretary a few days ago, and he warned me about the inquiry against you. He's afraid that it's not going to end well for you and, although he's on your side, he's afraid that it's not going to be enough."

Harry took a deep breath. "I see. Did he tell you anything else?"

Ruth blinked a couple of times, surprised by Harry's reaction, or rather his lack thereof. "You don't seem the least bit worried."

Harry sat back against the cushions and took a sip of his tea. "I committed treason, Ruth. I don't regret it for a second, and if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing, so it's only fair that I should be punished for it."

"But they want to hang you out to dry like a common criminal, not someone who's dedicated his entire life to his country," she protested. "Aren't you the least bit angry of upset about that?"

"Perhaps, but what good will it do? I've seen it happen to other people before, and I will certainly not be the last one they do it to either. If they want to find dirt on you, they will find it, so what's the use in fighting?"

By now Ruth's eyes were brimming with tears. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Harry Pearce, the man she had looked up to, admired and – dare she think it?- loved, was going to give up just like that.

"No," she shook her head resolutely. "You are not doing this, you are not giving up without a fight."

"I'm tired of fighting Ruth, I've been fighting my whole life," he said.

"Then we'll do the fighting for you," she continued. "You might be giving up on yourself, but we are certainly not ready to give up on you."

"Who are 'we'?" Harry asked.

"Dimitri, Tariq and I," she replied. "We've been trying to gather information that will help you during the inquiry and, God forbid, during a possible trial."

Though Harry had decided not to fight or in any way oppose anything that came his way, Ruth's protests had revived some of his fighting spirit. It was truly heart warming to know that some people out there still cared enough about him to go behind their superiors' backs, and possibly even put their own careers on the line.

He shifted a bit closer to Ruth and took one of her hands into his own. "Thank you, for everything you're trying to do for me. It means more to me than you'll ever know. But I'm begging you, please don't jeopardise your own career or your life in some fruitless attempt to save me. It's not worth it."

"Don't say that," she said and, quite thoughtlessly, her free hand reached out to caress his cheek. "Of course you're worth it."

Their gazes locked, deep hazel meeting clear sapphire, and before either of them realised what was happening, Harry had closed the last of the distance between them and dipped his face down to kiss her.

Their kissing was rougher than either of them had expected it to be. It was as if those years of pent up love, longing, and frustration were pouring out all at once and all into that kiss. Eventually they had to pull apart, if only to catch their breath. But still they remained close, their arms firmly wrapped around each other, and their foreheads resting against one another.

"Ruth I.." Harry started, but Ruth stopped him, afraid he would apologise for kissing her, or telling her that it was wrong.

"Shut up," she said -the only thing that came to mind- and pulled him in for another kiss.

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><p><strong>Please review and make my day :)<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**I know I had promised to update more regularly, but as it turns out I write a lot faster throughout the year when I'm procrastinating than I do during the summer holidays. Only a short update this time, but I hope you'll like it anyway.**

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><p>Ruth woke up suddenly and shot up in bed. The bedroom was engulfed by darkness, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the lack of light. She looked to her left, expecting to find an alarm clock on her bedside table, but there was nothing there. Trying again, she looked to her right, and found a digital clock there. The digits, casting an odd-looking green glow over the room, showed that it had just gone 3 am.<p>

Ruth slipped out of bed as quietly as possible, and started feeling around on the floor looking for her clothes. But before she had managed to find anything, a slightly sleepy voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Not trying to slip off quietly into the night, are you?"

She stopped what she was doing, walked over to the other side of the bed and sat down on it. "I didn't want to wake you," she said softly. "And besides, I thought slipping off without being seen is what the people in our profession do best."

He grinned, and reached out to switch on the lamp on his bedside table. "It is," he said, "but you're supposed to do that with the enemy and not with your own people."

In the faint light of the solitary lamp Ruth could only just make out his features. His hair was messy, and curled even more than it normally did, which made him look adorable. She had often wondered what he looked like after he had just woken up. Now she knew, and she certainly hadn't been disappointed.

"I should go though," she said.

"No, don't run off like that. Please stay for the rest of the night," he pleaded, picking up her hand and planting a soft kiss on it.

"I'm not running off," she protested. "But I do really have to go."

"Not if you don't want to," he contradicted her, not willing to let her go just like that.

"Harry," she tried to make her intonation sound stern or reprimanding, but didn't succeed. "I need to be at work first thing in the morning, and I can't show up on the Grid wearing the same clothes as the day before. Besides, by the time I have to leave for work your surveillance team will be up and running again, and I can't be seen leaving your house."

Harry sighed. "You're right, of course you're right. But it doesn't mean I like it."

Ruth shifted closer and bend down to kiss him. "Believe me, the last thing I want to do now is leave you and go off into the cold night, back to my cold apartment, and go to work in the morning where the temperature has definitely dropped below zero since the arrival of our new colleagues."

"Well, I'm flattered that you'd prefer to stay here," Harry said.

"There's no place I'd rather be," Ruth replied earnestly.

"So you don't regret this, any of this? You know, us?"

Ruth didn't think she had ever heard him sound so insecure before. She sought out his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Absolutely not. This wasn't some spur of the moment thing, nor do I believe that it is just the one time. It's taken us long enough to get to this point, so you'd think we would've had plenty of time to think it all through. And there's no room for regrets, at least not on my part," she said.

"You don't regret it, do you?" she asked hesitantly when he didn't respond for a while.

He breathed in deeply and shook his head. "I cherish every moment I get to spend with you, no matter how short or insignificant. I couldn't possibly regret any of it, ever."

Harry drew her down to him for another kiss, to which she responded eagerly. She didn't want to leave. In fact, she wanted to stay so badly with every fibre of her being. But she knew that she shouldn't, that she couldn't possibly stay. After a few minutes she finally managed to muster up enough strength to disentangle herself from his embrace. "I need to go now, I have to be on the Grid by 7."

Harry sighed in resignation. "I know you do. Would you like me to call you a taxi?"

She shook her head. "No, I brought my car. It's only just around the corner."

"I'll walk with you to the back door then," he said as he motioned to get up, but Ruth stopped him.

"No it's okay, I'll find my own way out. You just get some sleep alright?"

She kissed him one last time, whispering "I'll see you soon, promise."

"I'm going to miss you," he replied, holding her close for one last moment before he let her go.

She turned away, picked up her clothes and made her way to the door. Just before closing it behind her she turned around one more. "I love you," she said, barely audible. But he had managed to hear it anyway, and soon drifted off into a contented sleep.

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><p><strong>Please review :) xx<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm truly overwhelmed by the amount of reviews I got for the previous chapter, thank you all so much! As series 10 has begun, this has now officially become an AU story. I know that the new characters, especially Erin, are a bit different than I've portrayed them here, but I'm not planning on deviating too much from the story I had originally planned to write. And it's AU now anyway, so I can do what I want, right?  
>Just a short update this time, but I hope you like it anyway!<br>**

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><p>"Oi Evershed, not sleeping on the job are you?" Dimitri said as he noticed Ruth was sat yawning behind her computer screen.<p>

She shot him a look and shook her head. "Wouldn't dream of it," she said.

Dimitri got up and moved closer to where she was sitting, all the while making sure everybody was out of earshot. "I've been digging around in some old Cold War files, especially the ones that have to do with Berlin in the early 80s, and I think I may have found some useful information," he said softly.

"Not here," Ruth whispered. "Meet me on the Embankment in 20 minutes."

He nodded and moved away from her again. "I need to meet with an asset," he called out to Tariq and Calum, who were in the forgery suite, doing whatever it is techno-geeks do. "I'll be back in about an hour or so."

Ruth remained seated for another 10 minutes, typing away and pretending to be doing routine camera surveillance checks, but nothing really registered with her. When she figured she had waited long enough she got up, grabbed her coat and bag, and made her way over to Harry's office.

"I'm just going to take a short break," she said to Erin. "I really need some fresh air, and I could do with a proper cup of coffee. Can I get you anything?"

The new Section Chief shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks."

"Alright, see you in a bit then," Ruth replied and walked off.

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><p>As Ruth walked along the Embankment she couldn't help thinking about Harry, reminiscing about the countless times they had walked there together. From a distance she could just make out Dimitri sitting on a bench, <em>their<em> bench, hers and Harry's. Of course technically it wasn't their bench, but she was sure nobody had sat on it more times than they had, which sort of made it their bench after all.

When she finally reached it she sat down slowly, not looking at Dimitri, but instead looking straight ahead, gazing out over the river and the Houses of Parliament on the other side.

"So what have you found?" Ruth asked.

Dimitri reached inside his jacket, pulled out a stack of files and handed them to her in silence.

She quickly flicked through them and let out a small gasp. "Dimitri, these are 'no eyes' files. They're supposed to be burnt after reading, how on earth did you get them?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Let's just say I had to pull some strings here and there, and I know some powerful people who still owed me one. But I'm not saying anything else because I'd rather not have you implicated in any of this."

She nodded, understanding full well what he meant by that. "So what am I supposed to do with these?" she asked.

"Read them, then burn them," Dimitri replied. "I've had them all transferred to a microdot as well, so we'll have the hard evidence when we need it."

"Where is the microdot?"

Dimitri reached into another one of his pockets and pulled out a rectangular box. In it was a small, silver pendant, hanging from a delicate necklace, also silver. "It's hidden inside the pendant," he said. "Wear it at all times, and no one will suspect a thing."

Ruth lifted her hair up, allowing Dimitri to put the silver chain around her neck, double checking if it was securely fastened.

"I know I sometimes joke about you fighting sharks for fun, but you really are a man of many talents Dimitri," Ruth said.

"Just don't tell the others I'm anything but a tough SBS guy, because they'll never let me live it down. Especially Calum," he joked.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me," Ruth chuckled.

She checked her watch. "I should be heading back now, or else Erin will never allow me to have my break off the Grid ever again."

"Work your magic with that information Evershed, Harry's going to need it," Dimitri said.

Ruth nodded as she stood up. "I'll try my very best, I promise. And thanks again for all your help."

"No problem, see you back at work later."

"Oh and Ruth?" he called after her as she was already walking away.

She turned around.

"Well get him back, don't worry."

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><p><strong>Please review! xx<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Wow, I actually managed to update within a week this time. I was a bit disappointed by the lack of Harry/Ruth in 10.3, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one. So I hope that this chapter will make up for it, even though it is rather angsty (sorry about that). And thanks again to the people who left me a review, I really treasure every single one of them!**

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><p>Ruth spent the next few evenings on the Grid after work hours, deciphering the data hidden on the microdot bit by bit, and slowly puzzling all the pieces together. When she came home late on the fourth day and stepped into the dark hallway of her flat, she instantly sensed that something was different, but she wasn't sure of what it was.<p>

Fidget hadn't come out to greet her the way he usually did. But then again he was getting old, so he was probably asleep and hadn't heard her come in, she thought to herself.

She switched on a light before shrugging off her coat and hanging it on a peg. She then moved into the direction of her sitting room, still cautious and feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"If I didn't know any better I would think that you were avoiding me," an all too familiar voice said just as she was about to flick another light switch. She let out a small gasp at the sound of his voice, but soon recomposed herself. As soon as the light came on she spotted Harry in a corner of the room.

He was sitting in her favourite armchair with Fidget neatly curled up in his lap, purring softly.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack," was all she managed to say.

"I'm sorry about invading your house late at night, but I couldn't really think of another option. I can't exactly just ring you up at work at the moment," he grinned slightly.

"It's alright, I'm glad you're here," she said as she walked over to where he was sitting. "I missed you," she said, bending down so she could kiss him.

He eagerly responded to the kiss, and it struck her just how easily and comfortably both of them slipped into their roles, as if greeting each other with a kiss after a long day was the most natural thing in the world. She could definitely get used to this.

After ending the kiss Ruth kneeled down next to the chair and softly stroked Fidget's fur. "It's amazing how comfortable he is with you," she said. "Normally he wouldn't behave like this towards anyone but me."

"It took me months to gain his trust after," he paused, "after you left. He really despised me at first, but he learned to trust me in the end."

She scratched the cat behind its ear, and he purred again. "He probably just missed me, which is why he didn't want anything to do with you at first. Cats are stubborn that way. But he isn't stupid either, which explains why, in the end, he decided that he liked you after all."

Harry chuckled softly as he listened to Ruth talking about her cat as if she had psychoanalysed it many times over. All joking aside though, he did think she had a point. Not that he would ever tell her that, obviously.

He got up and softly put the cat back down in the chair, who gave him a momentary disturbed look, but soon curled up again and continued its peaceful slumber. He took Ruth's hand and together they sat down on the sofa.

"How's work?" he asked her.

Ruth shrugged. "Same as it has been for a while I'm afraid, it's rather boring. But Dimitri did manage to find me some files which could be useful for when we prepare your case for the inquiry."

Harry's eyebrows shot up simultaneously. "Why would you do anything like that?" he asked, surprised. "I appreciate it of course, don't get me wrong, but I really don't want either of you risking your career because of me, at least not more than you already have."

She sighed. "I don't care about any of that Harry, don't you get that? The inquiry will be about your whole career, so you can expect them to start digging up dirt in the most unlikely places. Which means you have to be prepared for anything they might throw at you. I can't just let you appear before the inquiry panel completely unprepared."

He lovingly cupped her face with both hands, thereby forcing her to look him in the eye. "You're amazing, you know that?" he said. "I admire your loyalty and your integrity so much. You act selflessly and always put others first, which is one of the best traits anyone could possibly possess. But at this point I am asking you to take a step back and allow these events to take its course. The inquiry will happen and, no matter how prepared we are, they will always find something they can charge me with. And I know, because I've seen it happen far too many times before."

Ruth shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe you're giving up this easily, that you're just going to let this all happen and let them bring you down without a fight."

"That's not what I'm doing Ruth, and deep down you know it as well as I do. I'm not the man I used to be when I was young, and reckless. This time I'm choosing my battles carefully, and this is one I'm almost certain to lose. So what's the point in fighting, in wasting energy on something that is a lost cause to begin with?"

"You're gambling with your life, can't you see that? From where I'm standing I think it's highly unlikely that they're just going to let you off lightly with a slapped wrist. We're talking prison here, Harry, and throwing the best years of your life away because you've suddenly decided to "choose your battles"? I can't believe I'm hearing this."

She had turned away from him now, both because she wasn't sure she could still look at him, and because she didn't want him to see that she was crying.

"Ruth," he began, without having the faintest idea of what he wanted to say. Because, in truth, he really had no idea.

He started again. "I don't want to go to prison, believe me. But I have a feeling that, in this particular case, struggling will only make things worse, and make the process just that more painful. And if I'm going down, I would prefer to do so with some of my dignity still intact, rather than being remembered as the old fool who went down kicking and screaming. Do you understand where I'm coming from?" he asked her.

Ruth nodded and turned back towards him, her eyes now red and puffy, and her cheeks streaked with tears. "I do understand," she said after a while. "But what about us?"

She realised how selfish that sounded, but she just had to ask. This thing between them, whatever it was, had barely properly begun, and now that she'd had a taste of all that could be, the thought of having to give it all up again frightened her more than any of her worst nightmares could.

Harry sighed and pulled her towards him, enveloping her in a firm hug and kissing the top of her head. "I don't know Ruth," he said softly.

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><p><strong>Please review?<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Frankly there's just no excuse for my tardiness. Well, other than my grieving for Ruth for the past 4 months. So yeah, another chapter, albeit long overdue. Not much left now!**

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><p>Harry ended up spending the night, although he did have to sneak out halfway just like she'd done days earlier, in order for him not to be spotted by the people watching him. They hadn't discussed the inquiry, and Harry's refusal to fight it any further, which meant that it was still niggling in the back of Ruth's brain. It was all rather distracting, and she found it very difficult to get any work done because of it.<p>

"Are you ok Ruth?" she heard someone say. She looked up and saw Erin standing next to her, looking concerned.

She cleared her throat nervously. "Yes I'm fine. Why, is there something the matter?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders. "No, nothing in particular. It's just that you seem a bit absent minded lately, and I was just wondering if everything was alright."

Ruth thanked her for her concern, and once again reassured the younger woman that there was nothing wrong. This seemed to satisfy the Section Chief's curiosity, and she soon left Ruth alone again in order to update Dimitri on some surveillance routine.

Slowly but surely Ruth had started to appreciate Erin more and more. She hadn't liked her at first, but she now wondered if that might've had anything to do with the fact that she loathed the idea of anyone taking Harry's place. Erin, though young and ambitious, turned out to almost hero-worship Harry, and hadn't thought for a moment that she'd be the one replacing him, even though that was exactly what Ruth had initially suspected her of.

From the moment she had realised that, Ruth had began to treat Erin differently, and had attempted to see her in a different, more objective, light. It had worked, and now they got along just fine. Even Calum seemed less sinister than he had initially appeared to be.

Ruth quickly finished up the last of her day's work, figuring that she was allowed an early night every now and then. She shut down her computer, said goodnight to her colleagues, and quickly left. Luckily no one had noticed the microdot reader she had stuffed into her ridiculously large handbag earlier that day. Taking home such a valuable machine really overstepped the boundary of nicking office supplies, and since she had no idea how to possibly talk herself out of that one, she was very glad that she didn't have to.

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><p>Later that night, at home, Ruth prepared to start reading the files Dimitri had given her the day before. Her heart pounding fiercely, feeling as though it would burst out of her chest at any moment, she retrieved the microdot from the pendant and placed it into the reader.<p>

Sifting through the endless files documenting Harry's long and diverse career with MI5 proved a long and arduous task. Many accounts of past operations were boring, some shocking, and others just downright dirty, but intriguing all the same. Especially the files on operations Harry had taken part in during his time in Northern Ireland and Berlin were very interesting to say the least. Ruth had no idea if the inquiry panel had access to all of these. She hoped not, because she knew they'd have a field day if they did.

There was talk of attacks that could have been prevented but weren't, other attacks that were staged to put the blame on the IRA, and even mentions of torture. It wasn't exactly a track record to be proud of, and the more Ruth read about Harry's past, the more she began to understand his reluctance to fight. She knew that he knew he wouldn't stand a chance.

Oddly enough she didn't feel any different about Harry. She had always known that there were some unsavoury bits in his past, and she had never thought anything of it. She knew that the end didn't always justify the means, but she also knew that Harry felt the same, and that some of his actions in his younger years shamed and even repulsed him. She knew that these past actions had shaped him into the person he was know. The whole reason why he was in this situation in the first place was because he no longer wanted to make the impossible decisions, and would rather save the life of one individual than prevent a political scandal. And so he had. He had saved her life and, although she found it difficult to admit it, she was glad he did.

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><p>After Ruth had taken notes of everything she thought could be important for the trial, encrypted of course, she took off the necklace and screwed the microdot back into the pendant. <em>Read it, and then destroy it<em>, Dimitri had said, and that's exactly what she was going to do. She put the pendant down on the floor and stamped down on it, repeatedly, with the heel of her boot. The pendant shattered into a million pieces, which she then swept together and threw in the bin.

Just as she was preparing to leave for Harry's place to tell him what she had found out, the phone rang. It was the Home Secretary, bringing bad news.

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, penultimate chapter everyone. I never thought I'd manage to finish this story at all, so thanks to all of you who have stuck with it. I hope you like this slightly longer chapter, and I'll try to write the last one as soon as possible.**

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><p>"Yes, yes I'm coming" Harry grumbled, obviously annoyed at the very persistent knocking on his front door, even though it had gone midnight.<p>

As he opened the door he was surprised to find a very flushed looking Ruth standing on the other side.

"Ruth, what are you doing here?" He asked as he quickly ushered her inside the house.

"The Home Secretary, he called, and, and he told me.." Ruth stumbled over her own words as she tried to catch her breath.

"Slow down Ruth, and take a deep breath. What on earth could have happened to get you in such a state?" Harry said, looking concerned.

"Towers called me at home," Ruth started again.

"Yes, I think we've established that," Harry replied. He took her hand and led her into the sitting room, motioning to sit down on the sofa. "Now tell me what happened," he said as he took a seat next to her.

"Well, for a few weeks now I've been going through your files, finding out about operations you have taken part in throughout your career, to see if there's anything the committee can use against you during the inquiry. Dimitri has been helping me to gather all the information," Ruth explained.

"I think it's very kind and brave of you and Dimitri, and I'm very touched that you're going through all this trouble for me, not to mention putting your own careers on the line. But I told you that I'm not going to fight this," Harry said.

"The way things are right now, you might not even get a chance," Ruth mumbled.

Harry looked surprised. "Why would you say that?"

"That's what Towers was calling me about. All the research and background checks Dimitri and I have been doing are useless. Apparently they want to use you to set an example, and the inquiry will be a mere public display," Ruth continued. "They will hang you out to dry, Harry, and nobody is going to be able to stop them from doing so."

Harry didn't seem so much surprised, but rather disappointed. "I see. And why would the Home Secretary be telling you all of this in advance?"

"He's always been on your side Harry. From the moment you first got suspended, he urged me to try and find a way to clear your name. And as soon as he found out that we couldn't he contacted me, because he knows that I'm the only one who can persuade you."

Harry raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Persuade me to do what, exactly?"

"To run while you still can. Towers doesn't know exactly when, but he suspects that they will warrant your official arrest in the morning, and by then it'll be to late to flee. They'll alert every major airport, seaport and train station in the country. If you want to get out of here, you'll have to do it now." She looked at him pleadingly. "Please, say that you will go."

He shook his head. "I can't Ruth."

"Why on earth not?" she asked, her voice raised.

"I'm too old for this. I had hoped to retire at some point in the future, and spent my remaining years doing absolutely nothing too thrilling or stressful. Now I know that's never going to happen, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life on the run."

"After I left I didn't have to run," Ruth protested. "My life was simple, and calm, and peaceful."

"Until Mani's men came after you," Harry retorted.

She shook her head. "That doesn't mean the same thing is going to happen to you. At least it's worth a try."

"You do realise that if I go, we'll never be able to see each other again?" He reminded her.

"As long as it can guarantee your safety, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make," Ruth answered, now practically on the verge of tears.

Harry grabbed her hands and held her tight. "Well I'm not willing to make that sacrifice, not again. Not now that I've finally got you. I can't let you go a second time."

"And I can't just stand back and watch as they drag you off to prison for the rest of your life!" Ruth shouted, pulling back her hands. "There's a good chance they'll leave you in there until you die, do you realise that?"

"At least we'll still be able to see each other occasionally," he said, ignoring her outburst.

"You really think they'd allow me to visit you?" she huffed. "Me, the woman you gave up a state secret for? I can't imagine why they'd let me."

Harry said nothing for a while, whilst carefully considering her last comments. "I'm so sorry to have dragged you into all of this. I have loved you for as long as I can remember, and I've dreamt of us being together for years, but sometimes I wish that Mani's men had never found you."

Ruth shook her head. "Harry, don't say that. Why? You just said that you didn't want to let me go."

"And I don't, ever." Harry continued. "But I do realise that it's incredibly selfish of me to think like that. And I know that your years in Cyprus must have been the happiest of your life."

She moved closer to him again, tears threatening to fall at any moment. "I was happy there, I can't deny that," she said. "But it was always second best, because you weren't there with me".

"But George gave you everything I never could; a quiet life, a family".

"Yes, and I loved all of that, but I would have loved it more if it had been with you," she said, cupping his cheeks with her hands. "I often dreamed of living that life with you".

"And is that still what you want?" he asked. "Because you know that I can't give that to you."

"Up until a few years ago, maybe," she answered. "But I've changed, I'm older now, and these are no longer the things that I want. All I really want is to be with you."

"But no matter if I run away or stay here, that's not going to happen now. So what's the point in running?" Harry said.

"At least if you go, I might be able to find you again later. We could have a chance, if we're lucky. But if you stay here it'll be a lost cause. So I'm begging you please, Harry, just go."

Harry put his head in his hands and sighed. "After all these years, with the amount of training I've had, and I have no idea where to starts. Say I do leave, where will I go?"

Ruth opened her bag and retrieved a big envelope. "I got you a bunch of passports, and some money to get you started. Once you're on your way you'll know where to go, trust me."

"How did you get the passports without going through the official channels?" Harry asked as he accepted the envelope.

"Malcolm," Ruth answered.

Harry grinned, in spite of the seriousness of the situation. "I should have guessed."

He suddenly pulled her close, enveloped her in a big hug and kissed the top of her head. "Alright then, I will go."

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><p>Ruth played with Scarlet for a bit, whilst nervously glancing at the clock every two seconds. Harry had gone upstairs to pack the bare necessities. She was glad that she had finally been able to persuade him to leave, but at the same time she was absolutely terrified. All the worst case scenarios of things that could possibly go wrong were going through her mind. And even if he did manage to get himself to safety, she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to cope without him. She knew it was selfish to think like that, but after all they'd been through over the years, the thought of losing him again was almost unbearable.<p>

After about fifteen minutes she heard him coming down the stairs, and soon he appeared in the doorway, carrying a black holdall.

"Ready to go then?" Ruth asked as she got up, lifting Scarlet up off the floor as she went. Normally the dog would be too enthusiastic and squirmy to be picked up, but even the little Jack Russell seemed to sense the gravity of the situation and kept perfectly still.

Harry took a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose."

He stepped out into the hallway, and returned moments later wearing his coat. He scratched Scarlet behind her ears lovingly. "Now you be a good girl for Ruth," he told the little dog, who had started to lick his hand enthusiastically.

Ruth tried to stifle a sob, and failed miserably. Harry pulled her close, and she buried her face in his chest.

"Hey, don't cry," he whispered, trying to soothe her. "As soon as I get myself to safety I'll find a way to contact you, I promise. We'll see each other again very soon."

She looked up at him, her clear blue eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I'm gonna hold you to that."

She reached up and, placing one hand on his cheek, kissed him hard. He responded to the kiss immediately, knowing full well that it would be the last one for a very long time to come. For a moment they were suspended in time, neither of them wanted the kiss to end, because they knew they'd have to part their ways after that. But all too soon the kiss did come to an end, and even Harry had tears in his eyes now, which he didn't bother to wipe away.

They walked to the door, and after they were sure that nobody was watching them, Harry stepped outside.

"Please be careful Harry," Ruth said.

"I will," he said. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied.

He quickly kissed her one last time, and then walked off without looking back.

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><p><strong>Please review :) xx<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**So here it finally is, the last chapter. Thank you for sticking with it until the end, even though it took me so long to finish it. Hope you like the final installment.**

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><p>Ruth yawned as she navigated her rental car through the unfamiliar, though luckily not too busy traffic. The biggest part of her journey was behind her now, and the remainder of the journey shouldn't take her more than an hour. Soon she had left the city behind her altogether, and she found herself on the motorway bringing her closer to her destination, bringing her closer to him.<p>

A combination of excitement, fatigue, nervousness, and anticipation washed over her, leaving her with trembling hands. She gripped the steering wheel tighter and forced herself to focus on the surrounding traffic. She passed mile after mile of townships on her left, and she tried her hardest not to look or even think about them. She knew it was egocentric and she hated being that way, but right now she needed to focus.

She couldn't believe it had been nearly a year since she last saw Harry, on that fateful night when she tried with all her might to persuade him to leave the country. At the time she hadn't expected it would take this long to find him again. Back then she hadn't realised how slowly time passed when he wasn't around.

She had dragged herself to work every day, knowing she wouldn't enjoy even a minute of it. The first few weeks after his disappearance were hectic and chaotic. Of course they all suspected her involvement in his disappearance, and she was questioned about it almost on a daily basis. Ruth was glad that she didn't know where Harry had gone off to, so she couldn't accidentally slip up when they put her under enormous amounts of pressure.

After a few weeks the interrogations stopped, when the inquiry panel realised they were getting nothing out of here, with added help of the Home Secretary, who kept insisting that it interfered too much with her work on which the nation's security depended.

Even though she was glad that the time of constant questioning had ended, it still didn't mean that she could fully concentrate on the work she was doing. Her thoughts kept going back to Harry. She wondered where he was, and whether he was OK. What got to her most is that she had nobody to share her concerns with, because nobody was allowed to find out that she had indeed helped him get away.

After four months without a sign of life, she received her first message. It was in code, of course, hidden inside a double layered postcard. And this is how their communication, albeit only one-way, started. Every few weeks she'd get another postcard, and each time it was sent from a different location. First it was Greece, then Egypt, Dubai, after that it was Kenya, Tanzania, Namibia, and finally three weeks ago the last one, from South Africa. His last card contained a multitude of clues and puzzles that Ruth had to solve, and it showed how well Harry actually knew her. The clues were aimed specifically at her knowledge and interests, and she was sure that nobody but her would have been able to solve them, at least not in the same timespan.

The outcome of the riddle was Harry's current location, and a request to come visit as soon as possible. Ruth didn't need any convincing whatsoever. Within a few days she had handed in her notice with the Service, ended the lease on her flat, and had booked her plane ticket. She had bought a plane ticket to Amsterdam, and paid for her ticket to Cape Town there in cash, so she couldn't be traced that easily. She dreaded the thought of her stupidity leading anyone to Harry's whereabouts.

And now she was driving a rental car in the direction of Stellenbosch, through the beautiful wine routes of the Cape province. She wasn't surprised that Harry had chosen to come here, the country was absolutely stunning. The further along she drove, the more anxious she became. She was nearing her destination now, and she wondered what it would be like. In the year that had passed she often fantasised about Harry's whereabouts, and had tried to imagine how and where he'd be living. But somehow she could never really picture him anywhere but England. She could now though, as she was driving through the beautiful South African scenery. She wondered why this had never crossed her mind before, because now that she was here, she thought it was exactly like Harry, and suddenly she couldn't imagine him living anywhere else.

Ruth turned left into a narrow driveway leading up to a small but beautiful colonial style white house. Her heart was thumping so furiously that she feared it might burst out of her chest at any moment. She parked the car in front of the house, and as she got out she could hear a dog barking somewhere in the distance, but other than that there wasn't a sound to be heard.

As she went up the few steps leading onto the front porch of the house, she noticed a rocking chair standing on her left. Images of Harry sitting there at night, watching the sunset, instantly flashed through her mind. She knocked on the front door, but there was no answer.

She walked around to the back of the house, and found a large, well kept garden. The place seemed deserted, but suddenly she saw someone in the distance, all the way at the back of the garden. The figure was crouching down, and appeared to be busy tending to a rose bush.

Unable to wait a moment longer she called out his name.

At the sound of her voice he immediately sprang to his feet and turned around. She smiled broadly as she saw the familiar face of the person she loved most in the world for the first time in a year, and started running towards him.

He awaited her with open arms, which she gladly fell into, and he enveloped her in the biggest hug possible, before pulling back to kiss her long and passionately.

"It took you long enough," he said jokingly after they'd ended the kiss.

"If you'd wanted me here earlier you should have sent me more clues," she replied in an equally teasing manner.

He laughed as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, and whispered softly into her ear. "Welcome home Ruth."

_The End_

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><p><strong>So that's it people. Thanks again for reading, and please leave me one last review to let me know what you thought of it :)<strong>

**I will be continuing my story _Deeper Understanding_ next, which I've abandoned for much too long now, and should definitely be finished at some point.**


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